Lego Roses

Valentines Day is apparently today. Not that I’m doing anything with my fiancee in particular. The reason behind this is mainly that we think having a specific day when you have to “get it right” or “be romantic” takes the fun out of it. Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t enjoy romance, or that I don’t think it’s nice to spend time together as a couple, that would be like saying making love is only for making babies or drinking is just to quench your thirst. What I mean is that a present invariably loses it’s novelty when it’s expected of you. Frankly, can anything be “romantic” if you’re expecting something “romantic” to happen? The true swept-off-your-feet Romance can only really be found when what happens is unexpected.

Having said this, there can be a romance in routines. This is mainly though because it is the product of an intimate intercourse between a couple. I remember watching an episode of Wife Swap and with one of the couples it was almost mandatory that the wife took the coat of the husband when he returned from work. The wife who came in as a swap, who was a bit of a slob typically, found this a really repressive regime and from it learned how undemanding and how much for granted she took her husband. However, the real interest for me in this was not only how much the husband valued this expression of servitude on his wife’s part, but also how much the wife desired it. She complained of the other husband at one point that he wasn’t being a “proper husband” because of his subservient attitude to domestic chores.

Now I’m not advocating this couple’s attitude as the model of a good relationship, but for them, the way they showed love for one another was deeply embedded in their roles as a couple. The wife missed taking her husbands’ coat after work, because just as the husband saw it as a loving gesture from her, she saw it as a loving gesture from her husband to let her take it. I think I’d be pretty promptly dumped if I persistently tried to force my fiancee into doing that, but it just demonstrates for me how differently couples’ relationships are and it taught me to be more open-minded in my concept of love in a world which preaches it should always come with a dozen red roses. I hope more couples realise that their relationship is individual and, rather than compare theirs to others and feel inadequete (as I have a tendancy to do sometimes), they feel comfortable to express their love for one another in their own personal way. I have found biased third-parties can sometimes cause as much trouble as their worth.

As a lot of people do, I think that there is far too much emphasis on being coupled up on Valentines day, because being in a relationship isn’t everything. I know that’s easy for me to say now, but it was only a couple of years ago when I believed I would never find anyone. The media totally hype up romance and we’re bombarded with films, adverts and websites which tell us that being alone and independant is virtually the same as being in denial about romantic love being supreme. I don’t think anyone should underestimate the independance of being single though. It’s possibly the only chance you get, so make the most of it! I really hope that single people of the future can be comfortable in who they are because believe that no one needs to be part of an item to be part of something special. Maybe there should be an Independance day set up: A day to have fun with friends and celebrate being single. It may not last forever after all.

Sorry today’s blog’s been a bit sentimental, it’s annoyingly in theme with the day, but I hope everyone has a great day and feels able to be comfortable in who they are. Much Love XXXXX

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